how it's been — A Human, being

Aug 15

Aug 15 how it's been

It’s been awhile. Like, almost 3 years right?

This post has been a work in progress for well over a year. Things kept happening as time went on, so I had to keep updating it. This post has become a sort of jumbled conversation you might have over dinner, a brief and frantic update on my life the past few years.

So, here goes nothing:

1. I got engaged!

Yeah, blah blah, if you knew Ryan and I in high school you’re probably not all that surprised. To be fair, we aren’t all that surprised either. It was something that was continuously teased by friends, but didn’t come to fruition until I graduated college in 2019. We’ve both received the inevitable and classic “i aLwAyS kNeW” by exes, but I honestly don’t really know how else I can say it, I mean: He started wearing clothes that fit him. He cut his hair.

Can I make it anymore obvious?

He reminds me that love is real and that it’s meant for me too. He healed so many things he didn’t mean to. He’s the most loving and intelligent man I have ever met. I have the biggest and most embarrassing crush on him. We’re married now and I still get butterflies when I hear the lock turning in the door, signaling he’s home.

He proposed summer of 2022 at the front of our cruise ship while we were docked in Mexico. It was my 24th birthday. The sun was setting. A man named Ham (yes, you read that right) took our photos. An old couple on the balcony above us cheered us on. It was windy, and warm, and perfect. I think I blacked out when he got down on one knee. My heart was racing all night long and I couldn’t stop smiling and staring at the ring. Ladies, he did good.

He also beat the high score on Wack-a-Mole that same night, but he won’t admit that was the real win of the day.

2. I got married!

Okay, okay. Honestly, wedding planning sucks. Too many questions, too many decisions, too many deadlines and things to remember. My mom was a saint through the whole thing, gently reminding me of things and always trying to clear my plate, navigating my mood swings and anxiety. She continuously went out of her way to take care of me. Who would have thought the most healing conversation I’ve ever had would happen in a Chili’s booth.

The wedding? Ya’ll. Best. Party. Ever. Imagine you somehow manage to get everyone you love in the same room with an open bar and a dance floor. You picked the playlist so every song is a banger (to you at least), and every time you look at a face you’re overcome with the excitement of, “Oh my god! They’re here!”

You know that meme? “The club is bumping. The ladies look good. The alcohol is flowing. There is much pain in the world but not in this room.” Yeah, that was the vibe.

Our wedding was a meme personified. Couldn’t ask for anything more.

4. I almost quit my job, but I didn’t.

Wow, I can laugh (a little) about this now, but damn; Last year kicked my ass. I don’t know what it was but everything about my third year of teaching was a mess. I started my fourth year on a good note, but I can honestly already feel it starting to slip, again.

In October of 2022, on what I used to refer to as “my favorite event of the school year”, I took about 15 students on a field trip to an annual journalism convention in San Antonio.

And, guess what? It sucked!

The kids snuck out of their hotel room. There were noise complaints from the hotel manager. They bickered and screamed and cried. I had to break up a fight. I had parents calling me, demanding to know why their kid called them crying and asking to go home. Someone threw a used tampon on someone else’s bed??? I got food poisoning from McDonald’s french fries and spent 8 hours emptying my guts into the Hyatt bathroom while my kids wrecked havoc on the lobby floor. The bus got towed. I had to ride in the backseat of a cop car to go pick up said bus, but was taken to the wrong place. I threw up in a potted plant at the hotel. The bus wouldn’t take gas and we got stuck at Buc-ees for 45 minutes. Did I mention I also forgot my fiancé’s birthday in the midst of all of this? Also, the bus driver was a total bit- you know what? Nevermind! Mosal tov!

This year was better. Not great. I had a student with a peanut allergy eat a peanut butter M&M and a fight almost broke out among a group of girls in my hotel room. Better? Yes. Great? No. I think this weekend is destined to be cursed for me.

Also! They (Balfour, our previous yearbook publisher) didn’t print our yearbooks. Hahahahaha, yes. I know. It’s their ONE job, right? Right. I cried so much trying to navigate and respond to the hate mail I received from parents, and I almost quit again that year. Ryan said that week was the angriest he’s ever seen me, which is wild because he knew me in 2015.

Balfour, if you see this: kick rocks.

5. I quit my job.

Well, that ^ didn’t age well. I decided during the spring semester of 2024 that this would be my last year. There were many things that went into that decision, but the biggest factors were: Ryan and I moved and it made my commute to work heinous, the kids got meaner, the parents got more insane, my anxiety and overall health got so much worse, and I just couldn’t leave work at work anymore. I cried a lot this year. Despite the hard times, leaving was a really difficult decision and having to say goodbye to those kids was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. They’re incredible really.

It’s only been 9 days since my last day and I’m definitely still recovering from the past 4 years. I’ve got a post brewing that goes a bit deeper on my time teaching, so stay tuned.

6. We moved into a house!

My grandfather, a spry young man of 93, decided he did not want to live alone anymore and moved in with my parents. He generously offered his home to Ryan and I until we decide to leave. It’s a beautiful one-story home in Spring that was built in the 60s. The yard is huge and overgrown, and the interior has been completely redone after it was flooded by Hurricane Harvey. There’s so much potential and space to fill, so I’m excited to channel my inner HGTV this summer as I revamp the rooms.

6. I went to some concerts.

Taylor Swift delivered! I took Sarah for her wedding present a couple of years ago. Taylor Swift was one of the first things we bonded over as friends back when we were 13. We cried, sobbed even, during her “Red” era round of songs. It was one of the best concerts I have ever been to, and it was just so much fun. It was mostly women working the event and everyone was dressed up so cute, so the women’s restroom was a new level of wholesome.

I saw Men I Trust with a former student of mine. Weird, right? Honestly, not really at all actually. Probably because I am a younger teacher, I have become friends with students I used to teach. In a way, I feel like I have fulfilled an “older sister” role I never expected to have, but am so absolutely humbled to have been bestowed.

A couple of nights ago I saw Noah Kahan with a friend of mine, after a successful Barnes & Noble and Cheesecake Factory date of course. We ran into our other friends at the venue and made a night of it out on the lawn. We sang and danced the whole night, sharing drinks and smiles the whole way. I’ve really met some incredible people these last few years.

5. I did some traveling.

Big Bend. South Padre. Cancun. Arkansas. Oklahoma. Washington DC. Maryland. Colorado.

The black bears at Big Bend sniffed us and blocked the roads. We saw more than 10 of them. They were the sweetest little guys (I am terrified of a bear mauling me to death). Sarah and I drooled over the milky way and made the best of friends with the retired park rangers in the basin who filled up our air mattress at their RV and then helped us carry it all the way back to our site. I don’t get to see Sarah very much these days, so getting to spend a few days together in the desert was like chicken soup for the soul.

I went to South Padre with my family for the first time since I was a kid and got so sunburned that I had to spend the entire trip in the hotel room. We found a dive bar owned by the most out-of-pocket man I’ve ever met. He said some things I can’t write on this blog. We went to a restaurant that had a patriotic themed bagpipe performance every day at sunset. Life is weird.

Cancun was wild within itself - an all inclusive resort. It was one of the first times I have been placed in an environment and told to just eat and drink to my heart’s content. Daria, Thomas, Lex, and I spent every night in the club at the resort scream-singing Whitney Houston and performing Soulja Boy and the Cupid Shuffle like we were being graded on it. It was the most relaxed week ever, full of naps, tanning, room service, and tequila.

I flew up to see an old friend in D.C. for the All Things Go music festival in Baltimore in 2023. Imagine Coachella, but for mentally ill folk. Mainly the girls and the gays. It was the safest I’ve ever felt at a concert. Boygenius headlined with Lana Del Ray, Maggie Rogers, Mt. Joy, Carly Rae Jepsen (yes, "Call Me Maybe” girly) and MUNA. I heard Ethel Cain sing “House in Nebraska” and Lizzy McAlpine sing “Firearm” live. We cried. We laughed. We paid an absurd amount of money to share an Uber home with a couple from England.

D.C. was so fun. It was the first time I had ever been, so my friend made sure to take me to all of the touristy spots. We walked around the monuments with a bottle of wine split between two to-go coffee cups in our hands and asked the White House security guards all sorts of dumb questions like, “If you could make a national condiment, what would it be?” and “Who was the worst president to work for?” (I’ll give you one guess on what his answer was).

I went to Arkansas for the first time with my trusty road trip friend, Lexi. We hit Hot Springs National Park, Jean Petit State Park, and camped out in the Ozarks before swinging through Oklahoma to camp at Beavers Bend State Park on the way home. Arkansas was weird; Beautiful scenery and questionable Mexican restaurants staggered along dry counties. We counted 36 churches on a stretch of road with only 2 gas stations. It felt like we were in a rendition of “The Hills Have Eyes”.

Ryan and I honeymooned in Colorado and it was just…perfect. We flew first class (oOo fancy!) and stayed in an Airbnb in Canon City that was absolutely haunted and rode the Royal Gorge train ride while we were there. Since it was so close to Christmas, it was extremely festive, complete with themed drinks, coloring pages, and a Santa who handed out bells to all of the kids. We drove up to Black Hawk and stayed in the coziest cabin up in the Rockies. After a long day of skiing (I got stuck under the ski lift and cried), we soaked in the hot tub and stargazed.

7. We got another cat!

Don’t worry, Beaux is alive and well (and has actually lost weight). Three separate cats had litters of kittens in our backyard, and one lived under our shed. There was a cute little calico running around, the runt of the litter, and I “jokingly” suggested to Ryan that we should take her in. And, that’s how we got Miss Millie! She’s the sweetest little spaz you’ll ever meet and an absolute menace to society. She adores Beaux, follows him around, and screams at the door when they get separated to eat. Beaux is starting to warm up on her (she tried to drink from his nipples and he didn’t hit her, so a win is a win).

8. I turned 24…and then 25…and now 26.

It’s a little funny that not too long ago, I made an entire post about turning 20. I thought that was going to be such a monumental year for me - a transition into the famed 20s, a timeframe that the movies and TV told me would be the highlight of my existence.

My 20s have been weird. I can’t explain it. It’s chaotic and fun and awful and I feel so lost all the time, but in a way I’ve never felt before. Like I’m right on the verge of something finally clicking. It must be my brain finally developing - about damn time.

Cheers to the frontal lobe.